I haven’t been here awhile. For the random few people that do read this, I apologize.
Truth is, I haven’t felt myself lately. I have been really down in the dumps and I have no clue how to bring myself out of it. I know WHY I am down but I am having a hard time recovering this time.
Life has been handing me a lot of lemons. And the lemonade is pretty damn sour.
I hate just barely getting by. In fact, I’m not even just getting by. I can pretty much only pay my rent every month and thats about it. I have to give a little bit to each other bill and hope to goodness that they wont freak over it. I am so over it. I hate stressing every month just to make sure we have what we need. Life is SO not fair and it is dealing me a really shitty hand.
To top it off, Larry and I are constantly arguing. On the outside, no one would ever know. Its pretty sad. I love him more than words could ever express, but soon I feel as if there will be no more us and that is killing me. I am feeling totally unwanted & unloved. I don’t know how much more I can handle. I cannot stand constantly being in an argument with him. I know we are all stressed out but for cripes sake, I just wish he would loosen up a little bit. I feel as though everything always seems to be my fault and like everyone would be better off if I was gone. I know that is a horrible way to think, but I have been feeling that way for awhile.
As a person who suffers from PTSD & depression and has once thought about suicide, its not a great feeling. Feeling low is never good when all these feelings are going on. I hate it and I would never wish these feelings on anyone.
I know that people out there are dealing with much worse and getting by with much less, but Truth Is, I just can’t handle it. It is pretty much the worst feeling on the planet.
Truth Is, I wish someone would help me. Tell me its all going to be ok. Listen to my problems and genuinely care. Help me get out of my hole.
Truth Is, I feel lost & alone.